TODE

TODE is the tenth chapter in the Wombles Two. If you were looking for the organisation, see The Old Dickensian Empire.

Meanwhile somewhere in an old Dickensian house Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Steed was sitting round a table with three others. They were Second Cousin Steed, Long Since Forgotten Steed and a woman in her forties. Her name was Emma Susan Peel but was usually known as ESP.

There was a picture of Dr Keel in front of each of them and they all looked to be in a trance. ESP was softly murmuring “Kill Peter Peel”. Back at the Pen Lair the Pen King was dreaming. In his dream, he walked through a forest of white Christmas trees to find a big box of presents. There was a big one for him. He opened it to find a dagger but then a man in a bowler hat tried to take it. Dr Keel loved that dagger so he held on and plunged it deep into the man’s heart. He picked up the bowler hat and read a label inside it. Peter Peel it said. “Kill Peter Peel” ESP kept saying softly.

The Pen King woke with a start. ESP was saying “sleep Dr Keel, sleep”. The Pen King fell asleep again almost immediately then he was back in the forest. He walked to the box of presents. He looked for his one but it wasn’t there. He looked more closely. A face was showing between the presents. It was the corpse of Peter Peel. There was someone sobbing behind him. A woman. He knew her. It was Mrs Peel.

ESP was saying “She needs comforting. She needs Steed. Get her Steed!”  The dream continued. Dr Keel took Mrs Peel’s hand and walked further through the forest. Steed was there with his arms open wide. He embraced Emma and said “till death do us part” then violently stabbed her with Dr Keel’s dagger!.

“Quack! What!” exclaimed the Pen King as he woke. He was hungry so went to get something to eat but a package caught his eye. He unwrapped it to find a dagger. A dagger that was stranglely familiar. His eyes glazed over and he walked in a trance towards the old burrow.

Bungo had been thrown out of the party for being too bossy. He walked in a sulk across the common to Snow Womble Point. What he saw was quite a shock. “Rooooveeer!” I thought I’d seen the last of you!” he shouted. “Heeeelllooooo Rooooveeer” said Rover who still didn’t know he was.

Steed was also having a dream. It was quite similar but in it ESP was telling him to kill Mrs Peel rather than Peter Peel. He woke up and a package caught his eye. He unwrapped to find a familiar looking dagger. (Getting de ja vu here?)  However, his eyes did not glaze over and he did not walk in a trance to find her. He just put it down and went to Cathy’s house.

As soon as the door was opened the first thing he saw was Dr King tied to a chair next to Venus, who was panting and puffing from being beat up. “Very good.” Said Steed. “Next up,” he got out his list. “Mrs Tara Keel.”

G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.U.S., L.S.F.S., S.C.S. and E.S.P. were watching on a big screen. “What?” said G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.G.U.S. “We didn’t command either of them to kill Venus, Dr King, or Tara?”  They all fainted at the thought.

The Wombatmobile headed through Hyde Park. Alderney thought they would crash but suddenly a dead end sign flopped to the floor and the bushes opened. Yellowstone drove down a wide ramp into a burrow. The burrow was massive. “I remember now, Hyde Park, we lived here for a bit when the big lorries were at Tibbets Corner” said Alderney. “Never mind that” replied Yellowstone. “I’ll tell what is going on.”  “OK” said Alderney. “Everything evil happening is because of a secret society. The Old Dickensian Empire or TODE for short. They turned Idaho evil, made him turn you and lots of other wombles evil but here is the worst bit. They turned Steed and Cathy Gale evil before that. Those two long ago stole the Protection Jewel. That is why we get illnesses like humans. Next they plan to take the Existence Jewel and wipe out womble-kind.”

“Steed and Cathy Gale? They would do that?” replied a shocked Alderney. “Yes Alderney they would because TODE want them to.”  Suddenly Bungo rushed in being chased by a weird white ball. “Phew!” he said “we’re safe now Rover”. The white ball roared. “Huh?” said Bungo when he saw Yellowstone. Then he saw Alderney. He went very red and shuffled his feet. “Hallo Bungo” said Alderney “Does all that dancing make you hot?”  “Er … Yes” said Bungo.

“Never mind that young womble! We have to stop TODE!” snapped Yellowstone. “OK, can Rover come?”  “Rover?” “My ball” replied Bungo. “OK” said Yellowstone. “Can I threw a dog for him?” asked Alderney. “Later when we stop TODE you can” Bungo said as they rushed to the Wombatmobile.

TODE were trying to work out why Cathy and Steed were doing things they didn’t command them to do. They looked through all the files of commands they gave people. Those commands weren’t on any of them. “This is just so confusing!” said GGGGGGGGGGGUS. “No it’s not.” Said ESP. “What do you mean?” asked LSFS. “She means,” said SCS. “That they probably don’t need to have thoughts put in their head. We can stop with them and just do the others.”  They all fainted at the thought again.

They were, of course, exactly right. Steed and Cathy didn’t need thoughts put in their head. It appeared that they were going to capture avengers and wipe out wombles anyway!

Peter was polishing his glass cabinets wondering why he now lived in a burrow with a nice house so close by. The door creaked open. Peter looked round to see who it was. “Dr Keel? Why are you here? Oh well I might as well stuff you now. I would have done it later anyhow.”  Dr Keel just kept walking towards him with a glazed expression. He took out a dagger and hurled it at Peter. Peter twisted out of the way and knife hit his bowler hat. The hat flew off his head and broke the cabinet he was cleaning. “I had just cleaned that!” he shouted angrily and threw a hypodermic filled with black stuff at Dr Keel. It was a direct hit. Peter put Dr Keel in his display case. He was pleased to have his first stuffed Avenger.

Venus was singing. “I just wanted to get some food, ‘cause I was really in the mood, but when I got to the shop, Steed came along and gave me lots of bops!”  She felt her bruises. “Can you please stop singing?” said Steed, and hit her again. She carried on singing anyway. “Steed has gone so really mad, him and Cathy have turned bad, they don’t like me anymore, I wish I could go back out the door!”  “I said, stop singi…”  “Steed’s getting really annoyed, there’ll probably be more punches to avoid, I don’t like it here in Cathy’s house, I’m getting treated like a naughty mouse!”  “Grr…” said Steed and threw a dagger at her. She couldn’t dodge, as she was tied to a chair and the chair was tied to the floor. She screamed and then there was silence. Cathy came in and said, “Oh, I see you’ve finally decided to do our original plan.” Looking at the dead body of Venus.

One Ten was writing with his pen. “Steed!” he said “I thought you’d gone to bed.”  “No” said Steed “but this knife will make you bleed.”  “Oh” replied One Ten “You turned bad but when?” “Never mind this, that or the other, just tell me where are Tara and Mother!” Steed instructed. “Steed I’ll have you pay deducted!” replied One Ten then poked him with his pen. Steed didn’t care and threatened with knife. “OK” said One Ten “You’ll have Dr Keel’s wife!”  “Where?” said Steed. “In prison wearing beads.”

Steed headed to the prison and found Tara and Mother. “Thank you Steed” they said and walked back to town thinking about what to eat. Steed headed to the prison and found Tara and Mother missing. “One Ten!” he shouted “I’ll get you for this!”

Tara and Mother were enjoying their meal at Eat at Joe’s. “Thank you Steed! I was hungry.”  “No problem” replied Joe “but actually my name is Joe. Steed seems to be evil so I’ll have to cover for him until he turns good again.”

Cathy was in the process of killing Dr King. She had tied him to her conveyer belt with the circular saw and hoped he wouldn’t use AEIOU. He didn’t. He used DKITEP. (Doctor King’s Immune To Everything Potion). Unfortunately it had been replaced with poison! He fainted and turned green. Cathy gloated at him, then got knocked on the head by what felt like an iron bar. She fell unconscious and Joe put his hat back on and freed Dr King. “Thank you.” Said Dr King, then sighed. “It’s a shame you couldn’t do anything to help Venus though.”  Joe scratched his head. “I thought you said that you didn’t really love her?”  “Well,” said Dr King, shrugging. “She was a very good friend to me, even if I didn’t really love her like that.”  Joe patted his back and took him home.

Tara was filled with joy when she heard the news about Venus. “Yes!” she said, jumping up and down. “Now I can be Tara King again! Oh, wait a minute, what about Dr Keel?”  Evil thoughts started to enter her mind. Literally! TODE had done it!

Her eyes glazed over and she headed to the old burrow. Creak went the door. “Hello Tara, I expected you would come.”  Peter said this thinking she had come to rescue David. But as soon as she saw him in the cabinet she flew at it breaking the glass. Tara grabbed a piece of glass and plunged it into Dr Keel. Now he couldn’t be unstuffed.

Tara woke up in her car (the one she didn’t like). “Untie me!” shouted a voice from the passenger seat. It was Peter Peel. “Why are you tied up in my car?” asked Tara.

“Because you captured me!” replied Peter. “And threatened to kill me!”  “What?” said Tara. “The only person I would kill is Venus, but she’s already been stabbed anyway!”