Madness Rising

Madness Rising is the fifth chapter in the Wombles Eight.

Lady Diana was at home watching an episode of The New Avengers. The phone rang. She answered it. “Um…hello.” Said Charlie. “I was wondering if you’d like to come round, can I hear myself in the background there?”

Harry and Hermione were just about to turn off the TV when the newsreader suddenly looked excited and announced an urgent government broadcast.

''There is an urgent government announcement. Today a new government has been formed and lots of laws will randomly change. So keep checking to see if you are still legal. Here is the new Prime Minister.''

''Ho Hum everybody I am your new Prime Minister Bulgaria. I will be assisted by a number of wombles and people to keep you all under control. Rather keep looking after the country and your interests. Let me introduce the Minister for Muscliness BA Baracus.''

''Get pumping iron fools! Now!''

The Minister for Smoking Hannibal Smith.

''Free cigars for all! Especially for children!''

The Minister for Defence Tobermory Womble.

''Alright well let’s get tidying people. Grab your tidy bags and off you go.''

The Minister for Fashion China Womble.

''My new China Designa is about to begin! Be part of it! Interviews for talented designers, taylors, dressmakers, sewers, knitters and embroiderers next week! Apply now!''

The Minister for Smooth Talk Templeton Peck.

''All you ladies out there can find phone number on any public telephone, in any library and on the the web. www.ukgovernment.wom.uk/handsomeface  If you’re hot then call me!''

The First Minister of Scotland MacWomble.

''Aye! Do what yer told ooer I’ll be onto yer!''

The Minister for the Environment Coustin Botany Womble.

''Gooday everyone! Let’s get growing!''

Minister for Foreign Affairs Yellowstone Womble.

Hi!

Minister for Home Affairs Idaho Womble.

Howdy!

Minister for Education Miss Adelaide Womble.

''Report to class immediately children! Parents get to work! On the double!''

Minister for Food Orinoco Womble.

I’m hungry!

Minister for Cooking Madame Cholet.

''You must wait young womble! It is too hot! Get out of my kitchen!''

The Minister for Tigers and Insanity Howling Mad Murdock.

''If you see a tiger free it and be it’s friend. All insane people are free as of now!''

The Minister for Rebellion Alderney Womble.

Down with the Government!

The Minister for Technology Wellington Womble.

''Oh am I on TV? Oh goodness! I’m er well busy!''

The Minister for Sports Tomsk Womble.

''Everybody get moving! If you need anyone to play any sport with. Just call me. Oh Minister for Muscliness.''

''Get yo’self pumpin’ iron! Muscliness needs you! One, two, three lift! One two, three lift!''

''Prime Minister Bulgaria here again. Good to see our fine, fit Minister for Sport showing the way with my other ministers. So we want you to do what you’re told and what you’re not told to do. Play sports, pump iron, smoke cigars, design clothes, grow food, cook food, eat food, tidy up, release tigers, go insane and always behave yourself in Scotland!''

''Ho hum, well I think that’s clear enough. And I almost forgot! All good looking ladies are to date Mr Peck. Is that it? Goodness no! We have the Minister for Health Miss Harleen Quinzel.''

''Anyone want help with the insanity just ask! I’ve lived it!''

Bulgaria again, goodbye for now.

Harry went out to buy cigars, weights, art and craft supplies, seeds and tidy bags. Hermione looked up Face’s phone number to ask him out. Harry wasn’t happy about it but didn’t want to be arrested. Most people thought there were still some police officers around and didn’t realise there was only Agent Lisbon.

Sir Mother, Father and Constantine were talking about the recent rather frightening threat revealed by Father. Constantine finally got a word in. “So if I’ve got you right ‘ere mate yer parents were murdered. Let’s say it’s right up my alley shall we?”

“Absolutely Mr Constantine. Something killed them but everybody told us it was someone. We know better. Nathaniel thought he had killed it years ago but”  Father paused. “The bloody thing won’t die?” Constantine replied coarsely. “Tell me guv just ‘ow this all ‘appened will yer?”

Mother poured a brandy for everyone, cleared his throat and told his terrible tale.