Steed Needs Post-Op, Emma Gets Some Post

Steed Needs Post-Op, Emma Gets Some Post is the third chapter in the Wombles Three.

The wombles were trying to talk to Mrs Peel but she kept interrupting. “Mrs Pe…” said Tomsk. “Go away!” said Mrs Peel. “Bu…” said Wellington. “But nothing!” snapped Mrs Peel. “I’m sorry but there is a rule that you HAVE to listen to me, as I am second-in-command!” said Tobermory. “They have been TRYING to tell you that Joe sent a message to Steed and he went and rescued them!”  “WHAT?” shouted Mrs Peel. “Then go after them! NOW!” All the wombles immediately obeyed.

Steed, Cathy, and Joe were racing back home in Steed’s (And Cathy’s technically) green Bentley. Suddenly they heard a noise like Tobermory singing, “Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana WOMBAT!”  Cathy looked back and said, “The Wombatmobile! We’re being hunted!”

Tobermory used the Wombat beam. The Bentley vanished, and Steed, Cathy, and Joe were now sitting on the floor. “This isn’t very comfortable,” said Cathy. “It’ll be less comfortable if we get run over by the Wombatmobile! Out the road quick!”  They all ran onto the pavement. Steed was still getting up. “Ram him!” said Wombat. “No!” said Mrs Peel but she couldn’t stop them. Steed had been run over in two seconds.

He woke up in a hospital bed with Cathy looking over him. “What happened?” he asked. “The Wombatmobile ran you over.” Replied Cathy. “Luckily you are alive but I am afraid you won’t be kicking for quite a while.”  “Why?” “You have a broken bone in both legs.” “Well can they be fixed?”  “Possibly, but we don’t know yet.”  “What are the chances of it?”  “About 77%.”  “Oh. I won’t be able to stop Mrs Peel then.” “Oh! I forgot to tell you! She faked marriage papers!”  “Oh no!” “Oh no is right. Don’t worry though me and the others will stop her!” “Um... ok then…”

Cathy went off to find Mrs Peel. A doctor came in. He looked familiar. “Mr Steed, I have to take for an x—ray now.” Said the doctor. “OK” said Steed. He was wheeled away on a trolley through the corridor, in the lift, another corridor another, another lift, through the basement, into a drain, up a ramp, out through a manhole cover and into an ambulance. The ambulance sped to Steed’s house. He was wheeled out. The doctor was Doctor King! The driver got out. It was Cathy!

She hit Steed’s legs with a hammer. The plaster broke. Steed was a bit shocked. “Come on then!” said Cathy. “Yes M’Lady” said Dr King who had to do what she said because Cathy was blackmailing him. “I can’t walk!” said Steed. “Of course you can!” said Cathy. “They would have taken you if we hadn’t pretended to be from the hospital!”  “Ah! I see” said Steed and they all went back in the house except for Cathy. She went to the shed to hit Ronda’s knees with her hammer.

“Feel like talking now?” she asked. “ARRGGGHH!” replied Ronda with rather bruised knees. Rover heard and replied “ROarraggghhh!”. Ronda didn’t realise but she had asked Rover to marry her. Rover said yes!

Cathy used the hammer on Ronda’s face instead. She didn’t scream this time. She couldn’t. Cathy had smashed her talking organs. They immediately went quiet. Rover came in and tried to kiss Ronda, but he accidentally knocked her out instead.

Steed came in and looked over Ronda. “Cathy?”  “Yes John?” “Is Ronda supposed to breathe?” “Well obviously!”  Cathy was getting a bit fed up with the conversation now. “Well she isn’t breathing” said Steed. Dr King came in and checked. “Well Doctor?” asked Cathy. “She is, well, dead!” replied Dr King. They all checked again. She was dead. Rover was going to attack Cathy until Bungo said (just arriving in the shed) “Rover, it was you who knocked her out!”  Rover went quiet. He knew it was him that had done it.

Steed had an idea. He posted Ronda to Mrs Peel’s house. Mrs Peel answered the door. “Sign here Madame” said the postman leaving a coffin and a letter. She dragged in the coffin and was about to open the letter when ESP appeared from the kitchen. “No Emma! DON’T open that letter!”  Mrs Peel was about say it was her letter after all then ESP blew a whistle. It seemed that no sound came out but Mrs Peel heard it. She poked out her tongue and scampered on all fours to ESP with the sealed letter in her mouth.

ESP changed the name on the letter to Cathy Gale then gave it back to Mrs Peel. “Good dog Emma! Now take the letter to Cathy’s house.”  She patted Mrs Peel and off she scampered to Cathy’s house. But Cathy had moved out to live with Steed. A man answered the door. “Yes?” he said. Mrs Peel just barked and wagged her imaginary tail. “Why are you pretending to be a dog?” he asked. “Woof!” said Mrs Peel. The man shrugged and took the letter. “Oh! this is for my land lady! I’ll send it on to her PO box for you!”. Mrs Peel wagged her tail and ran back home. She scratched at the door and ESP let her in and gave her a bowl of cider.

ESP snapped her fingers and a confused Mrs Peel got up. “Report!” shouted ESP. “Letter delivered to Cathy’s house.” Said Mrs Peel in a daze. “To whom?” demanded ESP. “Melville” replied Mrs Peel. ESP kicked Emma with her good leg and knocked her out.

When she woke up again she said, “Don’t worry! Melville is going to send it on to her PO box for you!”

“Oh by the way Dr King,” said Cathy. “Perhaps you should give me a checkup, just in case I have any kind of disease I didn’t know about.”  “Ok I’ll X-Ray you” replied Dr King. And he did. Afterwards he said, “Mrs Steed, you’re not going to expect thus, but…”  “What?” asked Cathy in horror. “Am I dying?” “Er, no” said Dr King. “You’re pregnant.”  Cathy fainted. Steed came up and asked, “A boy or a girl?”  “Both.” Replied Dr King. “Twins.”

“I’m just off to collect my post” said Cathy later. “Should you be doing that in your condition?” asked Steed. “You’re going to keep doing this aren’t you. I suppose you can do it then!” replied Cathy sounding exasperated. Steed headed to the post office. “Why are you wearing that weird green suit?” asked the lady at the counter. “I’m just used to it. I’ve come for Cathy’s post” he replied. “Oh, where is Cathy then?”  “Well she is pre, pretending to be a tree!”  “OK here’s the post just the one Steed.”  “Of course! There is only one Steed!” replied Steed. “Actually I seen lots of you today already. Well must be getting on!” said the Post Office lady.

Steed took the letter back to Cathy a bit confused. The lady in the post office dialled a number on her phone. “Hello ESP, it’s POL, Cathy is up to something we need a tail put on her.”  ESP answered from Mrs Peel’s house. “Done. Good work POL!”