Till Death Do Us Apart

Till Death Do Us Apart is the first chapter in the Wombles Eight.

Then

The key was scanned and a ticket poked out. The man grabbed it and ran to an unknown location. He promptly showed the ticket to the man at the entrance, and the gates were opened for him. In he walked to the field. At the other end, he could see a wedding ceremony going on. He was worried at first, but then pleased, because the ceremony would distract the people from seeing him. He turned left and stepped over a hurdle. Then he hid the key somewhere there.

Now

A woman walked into the castle wearing a leather jacket and trousers. She slowly crept along the room with the old floor creaking beneath her feet.

A man walked into the castle wearing a leather jacket and trousers. He slowly crept along the room with the old floor creaking beneath his feet.

The woman looked to her right to see a man doing exactly the same thing as her. The man looked to his left to see a woman doing exactly the same thing as him.

“Hey! Stop copying me!” they both said at the same time and then they threw each other on the floor. All the lights suddenly turned on and a grey-haired man walked in.

“I know, I know.” Said the woman, standing up. “You’re Hannibal Smith, the man who copied me is Templeton Peck, and I just hired the A-Team.”

“Correct!” said the grey-haired man. “No!” said the man wearing a leather jacket and trousers. “It was you copying ''me! '' And… you can call me Face.”  “That sounds ridiculous, I might as well call you hands!” replied the woman. “No, it’s my nickname, you see, because most women find me attractive.”  “Well I don’t! And now I think that I need to remind you that I’m married. It seems you don’t recognise the Queen? Who you tried to kiss?”  “Of course I know who you are! I’m just-“  “An idiot.” Cathy walked out and drove home.

“Did you find the key?” asked Steed. “No, it seems the A-Team are also after it.” Replied Cathy. The doorbell rang. Cathy answered it.

“Mrs Peel?!”  Mrs Peel was standing there holding Charlie round the neck with a knife to her throat. “I am NOT Mr Punch!” she proclaimed. “Um, okay…” said Cathy, then kicked her, threw her on the floor, threw Charlie into New Steed Manor and knocked Mrs Peel unconscious. Charlie was a bit upset about being thrown but pleased to be rescued so decided to let it go.

Later, Mrs Peel woke up tied to a chair with Steed and Cathy standing over her looking serious. “Now,” said Steed, “You are going to tell us what your motive for being evil actually is.”

“Uh…” said Mrs Peel, “Well, I’ve told you plenty of times before, but okay. Cathy has been horrible to me even when I wasn’t evil. I just get punched, kicked, stabbed, scalped, killed! When I’m evil less people hurt me. Well, with the exception of The Flash and Lillian Luthor.”  Mrs Peel gulped wishing mirrors had never been invented.

“I tried to be your friend!” said Cathy. “No you didn’t!” snapped Mrs Peel. “Even when we were ‘friends’, you weren’t exactly nice to me!”

Charlie tried to get up but hit her head on the table and fell unconscious. “Of course we’ll be your friend Emma!” said Steed, suddenly acting like a sarcastic upper class brit. This was how Mrs Peel had originally known him to act, so she was pleased. “Really?” she asked. Steed looked at Cathy. Cathy looked at Charlie. “She threatened to kill my sister!” said Cathy. “Yes, but to be fair you did kill her.” Replied Steed. “Yes, but I changed. She didn’t.”  “How can you know? Just because she looks like a villain from a zombie film doesn’t mean she is one!” Cathy sighed, and just decided to agree with Steed. “Fine but if she tries anything-“  “I won’t!” interrupted Mrs Peel. Cathy was reluctant but they untied her.

“Anyway Emma, do you know where the key is?” asked Cathy as Mrs Peel stood up. “Key? What key?” she answered. Steed explained. “Years ago, when Queen Anna had not ruled for long, Buckingham Palace, or as we call it, Grand Steed Manor, was broken into. The burglar stole the key to the royal vault, but didn’t take any money. It is said that he, or perhaps she, used it for an unknown alternative purpose, then hid the key. The key now needs to return to whoever is ruling over England, and of course that is me and Cathy.

Mrs Peel blinked. “Oh. Well, I’m going to go now.”  Mrs Peel left. She walked down into a field and there was a man there waiting for her. “Hello Emma.” He said. “Now, tell me you haven’t been committing crimes again?”  “Well… I have. But I won’t again.”  “You say that every time.”  “This time it’s a promise.”  The man sighed and said, “Okay. I trust you. I know you were just misguided. So I love you for who you truly are.” Mrs Peel smiled then went back to meet with Steed and Cathy.

“I have decided to inform you that I am getting married again.” Said Mrs Peel. “You marry everybody”, said Cathy, walking into another room trying to find Thomas and Lucy. “That’s very nice, Emma.” Said Steed. “Who’s the lucky man?”  Cathy glared at Steed when he referred to the man who would marry Mrs Peel as ‘lucky’. Steed just shrugged at her.

“His name is Paul.” Announced Mrs Peel. Cathy dropped the glass she was holding. “Are you okay, my dear?” asked Steed. Cathy didn’t answer and just pressed Mrs Peel to continue. “How did you meet?”  “About a year ago now- during the whole Mr Teddy Bear crisis, I found him just lying there on a farm… dead. I gave him my spare immortality device, and he was the only one who understood me. He said something about having been married when he was originally alive, but his wife was probably killed with him.”

Cathy ran up to Mrs Peel, and snapped, “What’s his surname?”  “Oh, he did say, but he mumbled, so all I could hear was that it began with a G. Cathy slapped Mrs Peel. “Idiot!” she said. “You do remember I was widowed? I was called Gale? My husband’s name was PAUL?”  “Oh.” Said Mrs Peel, “I brought your dead husband back to life?”  Steed looked very upset. Cathy sighed, and then said, “Actually… I shouldn’t be so hard on you. Clearly, you and him love each other, and since I’m married to John now, I’ll just divorce Paul and you can have him.” Mrs Peel blinked again. “Wow, thank you!” she said, and left again.

“Just like that?” asked Steed surprised. “Yes, just like that.” Replied Cathy. “Don’t you love him?”  “I did, but… I got over him years ago now. And I don’t want to create yet another love triangle in London.”

“Fair enough.” Said Steed, then suddenly turned their record player on and played an album. Cathy was confused. “I understand that you like music, John, but that was a bit random.” “Not at all. Care to dance?”  “Oh. Okay.”  Cathy let out a nervous laugh as Steed twirled her round to the music.