Mrs Punch

Mrs Punch is the eighteenth chapter in the Wombles Seven.

Tara Keel was eating her special yoghurt soup, waiting for some evil friends of hers. She also had a big ridiculous drink that she’d once asked Steed for, and a banana split. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. “Come in, it’s not locked!” she called out.

An old man came in. “Hello, I am looking for Stephanie Kingsley.” He said. “Have you seen her?”

Tara was confused. “I’ve never even heard of anyone called King….” Began Tara. “Of course you’ve heard of people called king!” said the old man. “I hadn’t finished my sentence!” snapped Tara. She snapped so angrily that the old man ran away. She left her food and drink, saying, “Oh, I’ll deal with this getaway, even if he thinks that’s crazier than my wildest dream! I’ve got a whole box of tricks up my sleeve!”

Venus was sleeping in a hotel room without a view with a surfeit of H20 pouring outside the window. She woke up and remembered she was supposed to be writing a letter. She did this and signed it ‘from Venus with love’. She couldn’t get back to sleep so she ate some Galaxy Golden Eggs. She was also quite cold so she put on a golden fleece. One of the removal men sorted out her rubbish for her. She saw the reflection of the man in the mirror.

Mal, who was no longer on The Isle, was now going on a mission to Montreal. She needed to have an important conversation with a secrets broker about a noon doomsday caused by bizarre undertakers and grave diggers known as The Superlative Seven.

Mrs Peel burst back into her orange room. Charlie had gone to sleep with there being nothing much else to do when you’re tied up on a conveyor belt. She would have used AEIOU but her head was hit particularly hard. Being in such a muddle with such a big headache sleep was the best option.

“WAKE UP!” shouted Mrs Peel as she stormed across the orange carpet. The carpet was quite thick so Charlie didn’t get disturbed by any noisy footsteps. “ZZZZZZZZZZ” snored Charlie who really was very tired. “WAKE UP NOW!” screamed Mrs Peel in Charlie’s ear. “Wh, what? Who? Where?” said a sleepy Charlie. “I had the weirdest dream that was kidnapped by Mrs Peel.”  Continued Charlie.

“YOU WERE KIDNAPPED BY MRS PEEL!” hollered Mrs Peel. Charlie suddenly noticed she was strapped to an orange conveyor belt in an orange room with a charred Mrs Peel looking extra scary without a nose. “Ahhhhh!” Charlie shouted in fear before composing herself. By the time she had Mrs Peel was holding a phone to Charlie’s ear. A number was dialled.

“Are you dialling a deadly number?” asked Charlie. “No my pretty!” said Mrs Peel cackling. “I’m dialling dearest Cathy.”  The phone was answered. “Hello?” said Cathy who had a surprisingly good signal from Mount Everest. “Cathy! Help me!” shouted Charlie. “Charlie? What is it? Are you in some kind of trouble?” asked Cathy. Mrs Peel answered her in an odd voice. Her voice was now quite strange without a nose. She sounded a bit like Mr Punch.

“Cathy dearest!” said Mrs Peel. “Mr Punch?” asked Cathy. “No!” said Mrs Peel. “Judy?” asked Cathy. “No! No! No! No! No!” said Mrs Peel. “Well you sound a lot like Mr Punch!” replied Cathy. “I am Mrs Peel and if you want Charlie to live meet me at Steed Crater!” snapped Mrs Peel. “Well if you are Mrs Peel then clearly you are doing a puppet show. So I would have met you at Vaudevilla but you see I can’t come to London. And you can’t kill Charlie with a hand puppet.” Cathy replied.

“I do not have a hand puppet! I have a circular saw! So do it!” snapped Mrs Peel. “Do what? How do I do it?” asked Cathy. “Meet me at Steed Crater at noon! That’s the way to do it!” shouted an exasperated Mrs Peel. Cathy just cut off the call.

“Who was that?” asked Steed. “Mr Punch he has Charlie captive apparently” replied Cathy. “Well what can a puppet do to her!” Steed calmly replied. “Not much let’s worry about getting home shall we?” asked Cathy. They got to work on a plan.

“I have a plan” said Steed. “I love it when a plan comes together!” shouted Hannibal. “BA first I need to know something.”  Steed looked seriously at BA. “What it is fool!” snapped BA. “Where are Thomas and Lucy?” Steed asked. “You fool! Those itty bitty children are yours! You should know!” was the sharp reply. Steed and Cathy couldn’t really argue with this and had lost them numerous times so didn’t respond. After a pause Steed continued. “BA can you break open the door?”  BA answered by running at the door and ripping it off its hinges.

The Avengers, A Team and E Explorer walked through to another room. This one was full of vehicles and had a much bigger door. The door started to open. A furry paw came in. A furry giant came in. Steed looked up and smiled. “Yes!” he shouted. He must have shouted very loudly because the giant responded in its booming voice. “Steed!” it shouted.

The Avengers suddenly realised what was going on. The A Team and E Explorer were a bit confused. Cathy started to explain. “These are the womblets that Wellington made giant.” Steed carried on. “And Thomas and Lucy floated up to Venus.”  Now Mother continued. “Then they fell back to Earth and killed lots of villains and the former Queen Anna.”  One Ten took up the mantle. “They were wanted for sure so they ran from the law!”  One Twelve asked if they should arrest them but everybody agreed that being giant wasn’t their fault and probably would not have floated to Venus by choice.

“Do you have names?” asked Steed. “YES!” boomed back the womblet. “I AM EVEREST!” boomed Everest. Another womblet came in. “I’M SNOWDON!”  Another ten womblets arrived. They were Cadair, Idris, Scaffel, Pike, Ben, Nevis, Slieve, Donard, Monte and Rosa. “Which of you is in charge?” asked Cathy. “ME!” boomed Everest “AND I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF THE AVENGERS!” he continued.

Steed started to protest. “But”  Cathy cut him off. “Yes I am! Now for my plan.”  “It’s my plan!” said Steed but it was no good. “It’s mine now. Do you have any more toys like the boat and helicopter you tidied earlier?” asked Cathy. “YES!” replied Everest. The womblets started lining up vehicles outside. Mostly they were small planes, helicopters and balloons but there were two more unusual vehicles. These were the Zebra which was fairly useless on Mount Everest and the most surprising thing.

That was a NASA space shuttle! Cathy and Steed beamed. The womblets built a launch tower out the other vehicles and set up the shuttle once everybody was in. Steed and Murdock were at the controls. They launched in a spectacular show of fire. Off they went without realising that E Explorer hadn’t got in yet. He was unconscious in the snow from the tremendous vibration of the launch. The womblets didn’t see him as he was soon buried in snow. So was the Tibetan village at the foot of Everest!

The shuttle had caused a gigantic avalanche. The womblets went back for tea. It was snow surprise which made a change from snow pie which they usually had.